


Who tryna square up now?

by Dun_with_Life



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Hate blogs, Memes, Plot Twists, Sarcasm, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 03:29:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12740112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dun_with_Life/pseuds/Dun_with_Life
Summary: Late af but this is/was a birthday fic for me bestie Christie





	Who tryna square up now?

**Author's Note:**

> This is what this Hiatus has caused

"We're twenty one pilots and so are you, Thank you so much!" Tyler smiles into his mic as he speaks, Josh pats him on the back as they walk off stage together. Tyler sighs as he walks into his dressing room, He's so exhausted. He runs a hand through his sweaty hair before slumping back onto a couch and opening his phone, He sees video upon video already of the concert he just finished. But Instagram isn't what he's going to worry about. He's all about his secret account on tumblr, Yes, It's dumb and cliché but it isn't any regular account. It's a hate/Rant account about Josh.  
  
He doesn't hate him, he's just extremely unlikeable at times. That and he saw a Tyler Joseph hate blog before. He's the lead singer, Why wouldn't people like him?  
  
He opens his inbox to many people admitting their dislike for the drummer as well as agreement to some of the known things he's said or done. He smiles as he updates his profile.  
  
**_"JOSH DUN POURS HIS MILK BEFORE HIS CEREAL"_  
  
** He chuckles as responses pour in, People just saying "Gross, Who tf pours milk before their cereal?" and a few saying it isn't a fact. Too bad he can't tell them how he knows.  
  
**REELBEARMEDIA LIKED YOUR POST!**  
  
Mark is the only person (To his knowledge) that knows about his blog so he always scoffs playfully when he sees Mark likes or reblogs his posts. Tyler hops into the shower, He watches the black paint wash down the drain and tries to think of something else Josh does that he hates.  
  
Shower! He never dries off. That's it! He smiles as he tries to keep it in mind, He finishes washing up before tossing on some comforting clothes and walking backstage to meet with Mark. He's helping the crew pack up the rest of Josh's equipment and he practically rolls his eyes. "Oh, Hi Mark." he says flatly, Mark looks up with a smile. "Hey, Ty. Saw your post. You're going to need to post something better than that, Just saying." Tyler laughs and sits beside the cameraman.  
  
"I'm so tired, When are we getting back on the bus?" Mark looks at Tyler as he yawns. "You can go, I'm just about done here anyways." Tyler ain't even going to think twice, He's up and out.  
  
He just about has a heart attack as he walks outside and some remaining clique members outside the gate scream at the top of their lungs. He keeps forgetting he's famous, He was so confused on why they were screaming. He walks over to them as they start weeping. "Oh, my god! You're Tyler Joseph!!" One girl screams as she wipes her tears away. No, Shit. He wants to say. He just nods with a smile "Yeah, That's me." She slips a picture of Josh and him through the gate and he signs his autograph. Big and bold over Josh's face.  
  
"Thanks." Her voice suddenly grows deep. Tyler stares blankly at her with confusion as she peels her face off. Ho shit! It's Brad Heaton! How he squeeze into that tiny little shirt?  
  
"H-How...How did-" "Don't worry about it, Get your butt on the bus before I-" Tyler runs to the doors before he can even finish his sentence.

* * *

"Dude! How the heck does this guy know this?!" Tyler exclaims as he stares at his phone.  
  
**TYLER JOSEPH SMELLS HIS SOCKS AFTER HE TAKES THEM OFF**  
  
_Rant time: Tyler just looks like that creepy guy to do that, He's just a suck-up to himself that he'd try to learn to love every smell his weird, little body makes. He really looks like the kind of guy to spit racial slurs at a my little pony episode while drinking a caprisun, I bet he sucks up to himself so much that he falls asleep to his own songs he bought on Spotify_.  
  
Literally, That's scary. Is this guy a stalker? Mark just shrugs as he taps away at the buttons on his Nintendo controller. "That stupid Tyler account?" Mark asks, still keeping his eyes on the TV. "No, the Britney Spears update page on twitter. Yes, The Tyler page!" Mark's eyes widen with annoyance as his fingers hit harder, "I didn't even read it so..." Tyler throws his phone at Mark's back as he walks to his bunk and flops inside.  
  
"That hurt, by the way!!" Mark shouts.

* * *

"Tyler. You've got to get up soon, Okay?" Josh...Ugh, Tyler opens his eyes to see his red hair. "Hey, there." Josh's soft tone comforts. Tyler sits up a little before hitting his head really hard on the edge. "Aah! Shit!" Tyler rubs his aching head as Josh stifles a laugh. "Shut up, Josh. This is why no one likes you." Josh scoffs and walks outside. "Dick." Tyler whispers under his breath. "Eh, It's not bad." Another deep voice speaks. Tyler's eyebrows furrow with confusion as Brendon floats out of the bathroom. "It's not a bad dick, Let's be real."  
  
Whoosh, He disappears and everyone's confused. Wow, Cool, great, good job.  
  
**_*DIIIIING*_  
  
** Tyler stands up and walks over to his phone, Hmm. New message from TylerJosephRants-Tumblr. What does he want?  
  
He slides the notification and opens the message box.  
  
"Salutations, Saw your page and just gonna say that I completely disagree with everything. I like Josh a lot and I'm pretty sure all of your posts fake so...Plus I'm like 90% sure you were inspired by my page." Tyler's mouth drops. For real? His fingers type angrily.  
  
"Listen up buddy, I have my free speech about Josh as much as you do with Tyler. And all of what I post is 100% real!!" He scoffs as he throws his phone beside him, Not even more than 3 minutes then he gets another response.  
  
"Okay, I'll give you that one. You seem pretty cool, You've got some bite in ya. You take no shit from no one. I like it, We should talk more often." What? Why? Why would he want to talk to someone who hates him, Well he doesn't know it's him but still.  
  
"I guess."

* * *

You ever had to brag about yourself to a stranger online to change their opinion about you? Yeah, Neither has Tyler...Until now.  
  
Mark watches as Tyler scoffs over and over while texting the unknown hater back. "Dude, Calm down. It's just some loser living in their mom's basement trying to tick you off." "Yeah, But...Mark he said that I drool when I watch Josh drum. Which is not true!! And he freaking posted it, I thought we were cool." Mark laughs at the idiocy of his friend.  
  
"Are you serious? Dude, Why does it matter? He's probably just a nobody." Tyler nods slightly. He knows he is but it's still getting to him. He wouldn't ever drool while looking at Josh. Like ever!  
  
Tyler crosses his arms and pouts, What can he come up with to make Josh look bad...Nothing, He's got nothing.  
  
"Gosh darn it." Tyler throws his head back with stress, Why is this so hard?  
  
What else could he say about Josh that he hasn't?  
  
He could talk about how he cried over the Olsen twins. No, He's already said that in an interview. How about when he tripped on his own snare drum and broke it? No, That's not that funny or believable.  
  
_JOSH DUN TRIES TO BALANCE AS MANY BOOKS ON HIS HEAD TO CONVINCE HIMSELF HE'S A PRINCESS BUT BECAUSE OF HIS EGG SHAPED HEAD, HE CAN'T._  
  
Not completely false, He's told Tyler he used to do that when he was 6 but that doesn't matter. He put up the post and the likes started pouring in.

* * *

"Josh Dun balances...What?" Mark laughs as he reads over the post three days later. Tyler doesn't think it's funny but he chuckles along anyways. "That's a little weak compared to what he said about you." Tyler's head snaps up. Wot?  
  
"What? What'd he say?!" He rips his phone from Mark's hand so roughly that his fingers get ripped off. Welp, It's not like you need fingers to operate a camera...Wait, Shit. "Sorry, Mark." He peels of his dislocated fingers from his phone with disgust before opening the hater's page.  
  
**_TYLER JOSEPH DRINKS PICKLE JUICE OUT OF A WATER BOTTLE WHILE BELTING OUT THE ZOEY 101 THEME SONG_**  
  
_Rant time: Okay, So listen up kiddos. Taco meat for brains or the so-called badass lead singer of this band is literally the most pettiest and stuck up people I've ever met in this industry. He refuses to take pictures with his younger clique members and only cares for the ones that gift him because, Oh, What? Shocker, He's greedy. You think he really wants to share that Grammy with Josh? How much you wanna bet it's up on his shelf at home for his own possession as if Josh doesn't even exist (Don't reply with forest fic quotes, Okay. I get it, Josh isn't real, Who cares.)  But seriously, His head is so far up his own ass, I swear to god. Sometimes I just wanna wring his neck until he turns blue._  
  
Don't get butthurt, It's my state of opinion and my facts. At least I have mine straighter than Tyler's sexuality.  
  
What?! Excuse me?! Tyler's mouth is dropped and he is speechless. "Thi- He...Oh, my god. He's seen the rants and all that crud but OUCH!!!!  
  
He opens his DM's real quick.  
  
"BOI!! WHAT WAS THAT?! THAT WAS SO RUDE!! YOUR LAST POST WAS JUST...Ugh, Boi. Delete it now."  
  
"Sorry you got triggered. But nope, Not coming down. You're gonna have to fight me for it."  
  
"Bet, Let's meet up in the Denny's parking lot on 54th @ 8."  
  
He's actually going through with this. He's beyond angry and ready to swing his hands but he ain't strong as you'd think. Seriously. Tyler weighs like 15 lbs. and has some noodle arms, He couldn't even mark a bruise if he hit someone with all his might. But what's the problem with trying?  
  
"Alright, Actually on my way there now." Tyler's throat dries up and he walks to Michael as he dozes off slightly. "Mike, Mind doing a stop somewhere real quick?" Michael nods. "Already was planning on it." Tyler nods back and turns around, Michael slams on the brakes and Tyler's body goes flying across the bus like he's weightless, Which he is.  
  
**~~Fatality~~**  
  
Hang on...The respawn time in this fic is slow af.

* * *

Tyler is standing outside of the parking lot and paces around. What if this dude is a body builder? Or not a guy at all. What if he's about to fight a 14 year old girl with a strong hate for Tyler? Would she be even more furious when she sees Tyler or would she be thrilled it's been Tyler she's been talking to all along?  
  
Dammit, Why's he choose Denny's? The smell of downgraded burnt pancakes is making him a little hungry. Maybe after their brawl they can eat something. I mean, it'd make sense. They're outside a restaurant.  
  
Tyler's hoodie is up and he observes the dark area around him before a heavy pair of footprints behind him, Oh god, Tyler done-fucked-up. He's so shaken up he feels like puking, peeing and pooping all at once, It'd make one fuck of a youtube video.  
  
A deep, broad, cocky yet familiar voice speaks up from behind him. "You the dude trying to fight me? From tumblr? You aren't that big, We all know I could squeeze the life out of you right here, right now." Tyler turns around and he's just dumbfounded. It's Josh. Josh is the Tyler ranter on tumblr. They both stop their sudden movements and look at each other like:  
  
  
  
"Josh?!" His voice squeaked and he sounded practically pubescent. "Tyler?!" Josh's tone is still the same, just a little more confused than cocky. Shit.  
  
"I...Oh, my god. I'm sorry for what I said." Tyler apologizes. Josh laughs as it all clicks. "I was wondering how the hell you knew all that shit! I know half of the things you posted were things I've only told you but I thought you didn't have a Tumblr. You said it was just for edgy emo teen girls." Tyler scoffs, "Yeah. I'm an edgy emo, If you haven't noticed. Oh, Wait, No. You wouldn't notice since you don't know any of the lyrics to out own songs."  
  
Josh has a warning look on his face. Like a real warning sign, Like a road sign that says "YIELD" But it just says Warning: Ya lil' shet.  
  
Tyler doesn't even know what life is anymore, he's given up on humanity.  
  
"You just wanna grab a bite to eat instead?" Josh shakes his head before clocking Tyler in the jaw, He heard a crack, Oop. He just lost a tooth. "OW! Josh, What the f-" Josh swats him with a tree branch while singing "Trees" to prove he knows their lyrics. "Don't make me sing forest!" He shouts as Tyler realizes the scratching sensation is coming from the poison oak leaves rubbing over his soft skin.

Josh stops before helping Tyler back up to his feet. His face is irritated and red from the poison oak, His clothes are sort of ripped from the tree and He's still angry. "Okay, Now we can eat." Tyler limps inside the restaurant and watches as Gordon Ramsay yells and curses at Guy Fieri because he's filming his Tv show at the same time Gordon is. He can see Brad and Mark with chef hats on and crying behind Ramsay with red-hot-burning spatulas in hand and Tyler still has officially given up on humanity.


End file.
